Life at 36

When I was much younger (and I really meant younger), I would look at those who are in their mid-30s and think that they are really old.... Now I have reached mid-30s (36 to be exact) and I don't feel OLD!!! NEVER!!

Denial.... :(

What have I accomplished?

Am I a good wife? checked - though at times (many times..) we don't see eye-to-eye

Am I a good mother? checked - I wished I can be there all the time for them however I can't.. I have to work, so that I can give them the quality of life.. :)

Am I a good daughter/daughter-in-law? I hope so..

Am I a good employee? Definitely! :) I enjoy my job!!

Am I a good colleague? Judgemental... I would say so, however those who feels that just because I am a supervisor, thus I am not... Aarrghh.. can people get so opinionated?? So long as I know that I am not being personal, not mean and I am being fair, I really can't please everybody.. Like I always tell my colleagues..."Though the nicest words come out of your mouth, there are some who will twist and turn your words into the meanest meaning...so do not bother.." Good advice?

Health

I have to be more responsible for my health.. I need to lose weight fast and furious!!

Financial

I will save $600 a month, that will work out to $7,200 a year. I should be able to put aside $5,000 from bonuses. Altogether, that will be 12,200. I am proud of this amount. There are people whose monthly salary is more than what I can save in a year. Why bother? Comparison will get us nowhere.. I also know of those who don't earn much but spend much more and they are forever in the cycle of money not enough... Lesson.. Be contented.

Spiritual & Learning

I will learn new things everyday, be it a little tip, a little lesson.. I will note it here and when I read back my entries in future, I will surprise myself.. :)

Now and then, I listen to Class 95 and Jean Danker and Bobby Tonelli would rattle off the 3 things that made them smile that day. I think that is a great idea! Always look around for things that make you smile and you go through life a lot happier..

My daily to do - be conscious of 3 things that made me smile! :)

Passing of Susan Ung

Today I received news that SU passed away this morning at around 10+ ...... I thought of the times that we were together at UDC, how she would always remebered everybody's birthday and how she was always looked upon as the walking oxford dictionary... I have never seen her break down before... she was always so brave with each of her chemo sessions... I hope her son knows what a great mother he had.... my deepest condolences to him.....

Too big a monster??

Often in life, we might take things for granted and may not enjoy or appreciate the true beauty of life... Might we even become "Monsters" in the process of climbing the corporate ladder or if we even have a little accomplishment in life? I truly hope that I will not be so..

Everyday after work, I look at my two beautiful girls and count my blessings. Whatever happens at work stays at work. When I reached home, I'm mummy and there's no need to be pretensious around my girls. I love you both so much, Yitian and Xinyan.

Time Alone

Today is the last of my 4 days leave... What did I do during this period?

NOTHING...

I spent time with my two girls... Went for a hair treatment.. Went for a massage and then absolutely NOTHING!

To be able to do nothing is actually quite difficult isn't it? Most people would have planned a trip, went out shopping or meet up with friends. But I cocooned myself. I have realised that I need time for myself. I want to rest. I want to stay at home. Nobody is indispensable at work. But my girls need me at home. Only they can give me unconditional love at this time for me to charge up my battery and carry on...

I love you both so much, Yitian and Xinyan!

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Happy New Year, 2010!

1st day of 2010!

Yeah! New year, new beginning. It's a bit sad that Baobei is not around with us in Singapore and I know that he is also missing us very much.

Yitian will be starting Nursery in a few days' time. Though I have always have this thinking that I should not stress her so much at her young age with studies, it hurts me a lot when her teacher said that she's surprised that Yitian is not capable of reading certain words... I have also noticed that she doesn't like to write ... Then I thought, come on...she's only 3!! Give her a break.. When she attends school, let her learn at her appropriate pace. ;-)

Xinyan has started to walk right after her 1st birthday in November last year. Amazing speed! She's a lovely girl and everyone is always saying that she's a good girl, pretty girl. Xinyan is also learning words and things really fast. I am proud of Xinyan.

On Monday, I will be starting work at my new workplace. Really excited and hope that this is definitely a better change.

My wishes for this year:
1) Top most priority - good health for my 2 girls and everyone
2) Baobei to be happy and advance in his career
3) For me to be happy and advance in my career.

My resolutions for 2010:
1) To have a more loving relationship with Baobei
2)Be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter/daughter-in-law
3) Nurture and provide a conducive environment for Yitian and Xinyan to grow and learn with a loving heart
4)To take a proactive approach to my health matters
5) To spend more quality time with Baobei, Yitian and Xinyan.
6) To de-clutter and organise my life and home
7) Be financially independent

I miss you very much, Baobei. I have so many things to say to you, but you are not around. I don't want to bog you down during your calls. I'm sure that you also have many things to tell me.
I hope that after this trip, our relationship will be stronger. I love you, Baobei.

I finally emailed the Town Council..

I'm on leave today, It's Xinyan's actual birthday! Will be bringing Tian and Yan out to the library later on...

While organizing the photos earlier on, I came across the photos I had taken of the drain and the playground and decided, "Today's the day!" So I looked up the website for an email address to feedback to...

The email that I sent, hopefully there will be some results out of it...

Hi, I'm a resident staying at Blk xxx Jurong West Street xx for many years.

This is not a complaint, however I have made a few observations that I hope to share with the Town Council. Perhaps the Town Council can help me out..

1. The playground in my estate is really in a bad shape. You may say that there are lift upgrading works going on thus the reason. But all these are way before the lift upgrading. The mat has torn, possibly due to weather, the usual wear and tear. Shouldn't there be a time frame to change it then, as all the litter gets caught up in the gaps? The colours are dull and uninviting. I have seen other playgrounds and they are of bright red and blue colours and it's shiny. As this playground is of dull and pale colours, it is very obvious that the cleaning is not very often or should I say, lacking.

2. Covered drainage at Blk xxx. My husband had written in before after my eldest girl who's 2 at that time fell while crossing the drain. I appreciate the speed and efficiency of the PO Mr Minhat who on the very same day responded and promptly covered up the drain nearest the main lift landing with 2 pieces of metal covers and 4 slabs of concrete. The explanation given was that the Town Council was not able to provide drainage cover as it might breed misquitoes, thus dengue and also if it was with metal covers, it might get stolen. My question then is, 1) Why is the drain of the block in front of mine fully covered with metal covers and the drain is before a slope? Who would cross the drain to come down or go up the slope?? The drain at my block is on level ground and directly behind the carpark lots. It is safer for me to bring my girl in crossing the grass patch and the drain then to walk on the road after parking my car to get to the main lift landing. Why am I writing in again about this drainage cover? The reason being that there will be a childcare centre opening under our void deck soon. Hopefully if the drain is covered up, it may prevent similar incidents from happening again.

Please do email me for any clarifications on the above pointers. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Yours truly,
Joyce Tan

I'm so going to JGH!!

Today, on Baobei's birthday, I signed the letter of employment from JGH!

I am now a JGH staff nested in NUH. My last day of service with NUH will be on 31st October and will be officially JGH staff from 1st November 2009! The years of service and pay package will remain the same. Yeah!

The HR manager said that they will give NUH 2 months of notice before they will get us over. I told them what my manager said, "It is not for them to tell you when you can go over. It is for me to tell you when you can go. My criteria is that you will have to train a new staff for 3 months till the staff can be confirmed. If the new staff leaves within the probation period, you will have to re-train another new girl and so on and so on....." Although this is considered a transfer, even if there are courses that I am allowed to go, I would have to take my own annual leave entitlement. ???Why??? I really don't understand..

Yesterday, I went back to work after 3 days of AL. Immediately after I had greeted my manager, she said" Thank you for coming back to work, but I want to tell you that I am not able to let you go for the briefing session on Friday and the tea-session on Monday. There are still many things not done for the audit. How can you all go?? The recreation file and photo album is still not complete." ???What??? About few minutes later, one guy came in and said his greetings. I learnt that he was unwell the day before. Only then did my manager mentioned, "Oh, there are some 'baos' in the fridge, J. Please take and eat it. Someone gave it to us the other day and I asked the rest of the staff to keep it for you and those who are not around like 'myself' and some other names..Ok? please take and eat." As I was adjusting a picture frame at that time, I was a bit slow in answering her, she said, "Wah, someone moody already just because I tell her she cannot go for the briefing sessions" Sigh...

Later that morning as I happened to be in the office, she was on the phone. I did not purposely eavesdrop but she didn't meant it as a P&C call so I heard the conversation between her and one EA from NUH HR. "They tell me that it's compulsory for them to attend the briefings. I cannot manage this. And then this staff, when I tell her she cannot go, her face turned black..what is this. And why can't they organise all these courses or events outside office hours? If they have to claim back their time, I will gladly let them. It's what they deserve. Please tell them be assured that I will let them go. Once they put their names down for the transfer, I have in my heart already released them. Of course, it cannot be that JGH is sending this girl for all the courses to train her better for her new job and then my KPIs here suffer. The PSS score goes down ...blah blah blah... Please inform JGH HR that I am unable to release this girl due to job exigency.." Sigh...

I was wondering when she put down the phone, should I just ask her outright and say that never once did I mention that it was a compulsory event. AND I DO NOT HAVE A 'BLACK' FACE!!! I decided not to at that moment. When I saw her again in one of the rooms, I ask her, "Erm, I didn't say it was compulsory leh.." She replied, "You didn't, but that person did, you go and check with her, I cannot take it when she says that it is compulsory.." I also explained that this morning I wasn't unhappy or moody, but I was preoccupied with adjusting the picture frame.. Don't know whether she heard what I was saying or just entertain me. Anyway, I doubt that she will call that EA and explain the situation. SO WHY BOTHER????

Please let this be a smooth transition... Please let there be new staff coming onboard...So many other pleases and no definite answers..but I do know one thing is for sure - I'm so going to JGH!!!

Baobei, the fish didn't make it....

Sorry, Baobei. Your fish didn't make it.

Today, as I came down for breakfast, I saw it lying upside down at the bottom of the fish tank. I dare not go closer for a look. Actually, I didn't really see it. It was out of the corner of my eyes. I quickly went to wake up your parents to alert them. You know how I am with dead fishes.

Don't be too sad, ok? At least you don't have to worry that your father didn't change the water properly or that the fish is not eating well.

Miss you very much, Baobei.

Dear Fish....

Today, I sent Kiat off for his sailing trip.

Right after our dinner, my father-in-law fed Mr Kho's arowana fish. It was still alright. My FIL then went upstairs. He had a feeling just to look down from the staircase. The next thing I knew, my FIL was shouting that the arowana fish had jumped out from the fish tank and it was now lying on the floor. How is that possible?? My MIL ask me to quickly grab my camera. I took the camera. Then I had second thoughts. "If something really happened to the fish, I think Mr Kho will be very sad. I don't think I want to take the photos of it."

Luckily, my FIL thought of asking the neighbour's son-in-law to come over to help and take a look if there was any way to salvage the situation. I dare not go downstairs at all. Thank goodness, after some adjustment to the air filter, the fish flipped back and was ok.

Dear fish, please be okay..Mr Kho loves you very much. He will be back in May..We all love you too.

Mr Kho's sailing off :(

Tomorrow is D-Day..

Mr Kho will be sailing off tomorrow and will only get to come home next May.

I always say "Absence makes the heart grows fonder".. Alas, this absence will be for more than half a year.. He will miss out on Xinyan's 1st birthday celebration, Yitian's starting in nursery class, our wedding anniversay, X'mas, New Year's celebration and Chinese New Year, and many many more..

But don't worry, Baobei.. I will be strong and take care of the family when you are not home. Do not worry about us. Let me be your recorder and record all major or minor events. Please take care and have a safe trip.

I love you, Baobei.

It's been a while... Yitian's sick..:(

It has been a long time since I have updated my blog....

Yes, I have returned to work. I missed sending Yitian to playgroup terribly. I loved to see her wake up and busy myself preparing her to go to class. Well now, I can only do that on my off days.

The reason why I'm able to update my blog today is also not a good one. Yitian's sick. Mr Kho and I brought her to NUH Children's A&E this morning. She has been running a fever since Monday night. Her temperature was under control usually after medication, but once the effect wears off, it bounces back up. I got a scare today as at 4am, Yitian was fidgetting so I touched her and realised that she's hot. Took her temperature and it was 39.9degreesC, 2nd time 40degreesC! Too many days too long! So picked her straight out from bed and we left the house.

At the A&E triage, she cried as the blood pressure bandage squeezed her arm. Well, she never had that done before so I can imagine the fear. The nurse wanted to put on the pulse rate monitor on her after that but Yitian screamed..so mission aborted. The doctor wanted to test her blood and it was done through finger prick. The nurse did that and Yitian started crying..Poor girl, already not feeling well..The nurse had to squeeze quite a few drops of her blood into a small tube and it really took a while. Mr Kho and I really had to entertain our little girl to keep her mind off the process.

After that we had to wait for an hour for the results to come back and Yitian said she wanted to go Mummy's working place. And I was really worried about work today as it was a full clinic so I had to go in and handover some matters. Worried also, because in my entire working life, this was the 1st time I'm taking urgent leave!

Well now I'm at home...Yitian's finally fallen asleep after her 2nd dose of medication. I really hope she will recover by today...

Seeking new opportunities

There are times when you feel you probably could conquer many things in life. And there are time when you feel that you couldn't. Well, I'm going through these times right now.

I do believe in MIRACLES. When times get bad, I know my guardian angel will be looking out for me. At home I have Mr Kho and my 2 sweet darlings -Yitian and Xinyan. Somewhere out there is my guardian angel.....is it You??

A touching email

My ex-colleague, Leila, sent this to me last week via e-mail. As I read it, tears welled up in my eyes. How true as some people treat friends and work associates much much better than their own family members :(

F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.."


FAMILY

Are you aware that if we were to die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think? So what is behind the story? Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

So let's not be foolish and start treating our loved ones the way they should be treated in the 1st place - with loving ways and kind words....

CNY is nearing...

What to prepare for Chinese New Year??

Every year around this time, as the neighbourhood starts to come alive with the bakery pushing their cookies and the stalls put out all the festive decorations for sale, you can feel the buzzing activities starting. However, this year, almost everyone I spoke to say that they feel it's quite quiet. Actually I feel the same too.

Mr Kho has already prepared the 'Ang Pow' money. I will spend some time (and spend $$) next week to get some decorations to prepare the house. Also have to stock up on the cookies, tidbits, drinks, 'bak kwa'...(yum yum). Previous years, I would have ordered many boxes of 'bak kwa' to give away as my colleague will be coordinating the orders. This year, I'm still on maternity leave thus was left out. Never mind, more money saved to spend elsewhere...Hmmm...so blessing in disguise or nightmare for the wallet??

Ah Ma's 60th Birthday!

My mum is now officially a senior citizen! She can exchange her EZ-link card to a senior citizen card!!

I chose a "Thomas Train" cake as I know that the 2 children will be excited by it. If the grandma sees her grandchildren happy, she will be happy too, thus the choice of cake....Initially I wanted to ask the cake shop for just one birthday candle, then changed my mind as I know Manfred and Yitian will be delighted to help Ah Ma blow out the candles. You might begin to wonder at this stage if it was still Ah Ma's birthday.

Candles set by Manfred and Yitian
Yitian helping Ah Ma to cut the cake
Ah Ma striking a pose

"Kor Kor, put up your fingers like this.."

Second Princess - Xinyan

Realised that I have not posted many pixs on Xinyan.
She takes on Mr Kho's looks more.

Xinyan likes to be talked to every morning when she wakes up and will make cooing sounds in return. Another little darling.

My girl has truly grown up...

Second day of playgroup...

I was prepared to go in together with Yitian, so that I can observe what's happening in the class. When Teacher Jean pulled out the chair for the childeren to sit for her to check for HFMD, Yitian was the first one to go up on her own to sit down. I was quite surprise. There was totally no resistance from her as the teacher said "Open your mouth, see your palms and your feet". Imagine if it was me asking her!!!

After the checking, Yitian immediately dashed in and sat on the play mat. Teacher Agnes gave her some toys to play with. Yitian did not even look at me once. Teacher Agnes said if I feel that Yitian is able to cope without me, I can don't go in. I said sure. (In my heart, I'm like "I can't cope without her.") Separation anxiety, though not from Yitian...from ME!!

Yitian with her new playgroup mates.

I left her there and went to the newly opened 24hr Shop-N-Save to have a look. At least there's now a competitor to the small NTUC outlet. That NTUC outlet is really small till you find that they don't stock up on many items. I walked around till about 9.50am and quickly made my way back to the school.

When the door opened, I was expecting to see Yitian fly out to me. However, my heart swell with pride as I saw my little girl waiting patiently at the back of the class, carrying her backpack quietly and one hand holding on to her craft item and the other hand, a small balloon. The other mothers commented that Yitian is very independent, very calm and composed. One mother said that she was pushing her daughter to be near Yitian so that they can become friends. I told Yitan that she must help the auntie look after the little girl, ok?

Yitian's art&craft item

Yitian's 1st Day @ Playgroup!

Yitian attended her very 1st day of playgroup today! Her session is from 9am to 11am. Though it's just 2 hours, at this age she will be picking up social skills and activities that will help her to become a confident, independent girl.

She woke up at 7am this morning, though I would have liked her to sleep more. She was very happy to put on her school uniform and eager to get going.

Her school is aptly named "Little Learners". There are about 14 children in her class. I watched her from the side of the classroom at first and I was very proud that not once did she appear lost or frightened. She just took her time to look around and warming up to the people around her.

After the singing session, the teachers encouraged the children to keep the toys. At this moment, I guess I should thank Barney, the purple dinosaur, as when the teacher started singing "Clean up, clean up", Yitian sprung into action! I could see that Yitian has some leadership qualities in her. Though still new to the class, when she sees her playgroup mates, she readily went up to them and help quietly. That's my girl!

There were singing and drawing activities.

And Yitian's 1st masterpiece is drawn!

glitter-graphics.com

Wishing all a wonderful year ahead!

The direction of this blog???

What do I hope to achieve with this blog??

Of course, I would love to go in the direction of cookery/bakery.. But who am I kidding? I can't cook or bake to save my life. How about photography? Hmmm..some pixs that I have taken turned out good but some are barely passable. How about just penning down my thoughts, however simple or crazy or boring. Hey, that idea seems to be IT! This is everyday life. This is not life crafted professionally, that will only look good. This is SERIOUSLY JOYCE'S LIFE!

Life that is sometimes mundane (occasionally a good laugh here and there), sometimes to the extent of even boring! But it's my life. I can't say that I'm happy with my life but that's not to say that I'm unhappy too. Life for me has taken on many paths and I had wondered if at certain crossroads, if only I had made the other choice, how would life turned out now? That said, if life has taken a different path, I would never, never have my two beautiful girls today.

Then it's decided! This blog shall take on 1) my life story as from now on (there's no point in relating my past here) and 2) if I should cook or bake, I would post some pics here (to show my 2 sisters I really can and do cook at times and that my family survived after eating those said meals!) and 3) to post the pics with the at-times wonderful phtography skills that I possess..

Have a fantastic 2009!